I used to hate being criticized. Heck, who does? Even if the criticism wasn’t adress personally to me, let’s say to my country from somebody abroad (Indonesians or foreigners), my first reaction would be, “Well, your country is bad too!”, stomped my foot, pout, and cross my hands against my chest; instead of acknowledging the facts and accepted it.
It took a question like this to made me stop and think, “Why are [some]Indonesians so sensitive (and couldn’t take criticism)? Is it because you guys were oppressed too long under Suharto?” I do remember, back then, if you dare criticize him or his family or even somebody in his cabinet, either you’d vanish from the surface of the earth or some other consequences with the same level of threat. So yeah… probably our skin got too thin to be criticized.
Having moved to a different country with more openness, which in this case happens to be United States (yeah… yeah… I could hear those cynicals saying, “Sure… praise the US… hate your country… etc etc”), I was ‘forced’ to adapt better to criticism. My face still got red, but I don’t stomp my foot and pout anymore. I mean, if somebody told me I made a mistake or point out my weakness, that would mean that person does care and it’s for my own betterment.
It saddens me to see how unacceptable some people back home are to criticisms. I made a comment on a friend’s status in Facebook -“… nggak heran Indonesia dilabeli ‘negara teroris’ or ‘no wonder Indonesia is labeled as terrorist country…”- which had turned into a circle of stomping foot and pouting. From that short statement only, one could understand that was not the one that come up out of nowhere and be the first to call her that. It was an observation. Instead of seeing it as a healthy way of looking at problems, they foresee the criticism as mengorek luka lama or to pick on old wounds.
It is a fact that Indonesia is being called by the international media as a terrorist country. It is hurtful to me too. So what? Somebody started to bombarded me with, “Do you know that the country you live in has this and that not to mention this and that [and the list goes on].” Yeah… again… so what? The US does have terrorism too. It’s a public knowledge. Is it really that taboo to mention something that’s a public knowledge to Indonesians? These guys got so angry, sensitive like PMS women and started calling me names. ‘Pathetic‘ was among ‘the bitch who forgot about her home country’.
Is it because it’s a very delicate mater, religious, or more spesifically, Islam? Ayaan Hirsi Ali in her book ‘Infidel: My Life’ is right then, the major problem with Islam and its followers is THEY DON’T THINK THERE IS A PROBLEM. I was going to quote the famous Ms. Rima Fauzi, but I couldn’t search that particular post in her website. Similar post written by Fitri Mohan is here.
A wise man once said to me, “If you can’t take criticism, go live in a cave. Or better yet, grow a thicker skin!”
Eeeeeh. You got me here. Of course I second your opinion one should be able to cope with criticism. And yes, I too remember one or two bloggers getting angry at me because of a quite innocent, apparently, critical comment. So, you’re right: no meaningful communication is possible if not for almost limitless room for healthy criticism.
Yet I think Ayaan Hirsi Ali and her way of criticizing Islam is really counterproductive.
She did rightly put her finger on some horrible ways women have been and are treated in Somalia, Saudi Arabia or Turkey and other countries. Muslim countries indeed. But I think it she is way of target when she criticizes wearing a headscarf as a token of oppressing women’s right. Or stating that the Osama’s and Abu Bashir’s of this world, represent the pure Islam.
Though I myself reject religion, I think Ayaan’s opinions are quite unfair and sometimes absolutely wrong.
In Western Europe girls choosing to wear a headscarf usually do so as a way to accentuate their identity. Most of them are in the vanguard of independent thinking and acting Muslim girls/women. And most of them are the opposite of oppressed women. When Ayaan “preached” in the Netherlands she actually made girls choose for the headscarf.
As for terrorism: radical, violent groups do and did occur among all religions ( Hindi, Jews and Christian). It’s not a “privilege” of Muslims. But that doesn’t necessarily mean the ideology ( = religion) is violent as such. Always there is a benevolent as well as an evil interpretation.
I reject the convictions of Ayaan because they are a wrong interpretation of Enlightenment ( in my opinion) and they too much lack nuances because of a closed ideology of her own.
Last but not least: you should not care about the people who got angry at your comment. They not fit for discussion or debate, let alone a polemics. So ignore them. They obviously are pathetically skin-thinned persons who are not worth your attention.
thank you for trying to even it out. i ‘picked’ on islam because it’s the religion i was brought up. back home, there are a lot of ‘sects’ of islam, they couldn’t even agree on the first day of ramadhan. so many different ways to interpret what the holy koran says. thus, more hardcore moslems like fpi, are okaying the violent approach. there is a problem within islam. but nobody wants to acknowledge nor admit it. the more liberal moslems condemned the bombings, attacks, and selfrighteousness; saying they’re not representing islam. so, who are they? there is a problem in indonesia, unfortunately islam, with its notoriosity with terrorism.
and yes, i will not waste another breath to try to explain to those pathetically skin-thinned people.
Indonesia IS a terrorist country, first and foremost because many terrorist in fact live here and bred by its culture. It’s an ugly fact that many have difficulties to accept.
short and sweet. right to the point.
You’re right.
It is in the culture – as you might have heard about ‘saving face’ – and it is part of Asian culture. Chinese and Japanese, for example, also carry the same habit. You are never to criticise people upfront, it must be done quietly, face-to-face, without anyone else knows, and very gently. Even if you do all those, those who are criticised often cannot take it. Every criticism is taken wholeheartedly, because it is a matter of dignity and honour.
On the issue of “pendet dance saga” people snorted when I asked them to check the original source, and couldn’t care less when what I suspected – that Malaysian didn’t steal the dance, and it’s the mistake of the TV network – turned out to be true. Some even accused me for not loving me country anymore, and probably I should stop being an Indonesian, and so on. And all I did was just to challenge the accusation, that if we actually checked whether the ‘news’ was true or not!
An Indonesian blogger also went ballistic just because I commented her fashion choice, and another made me her eternal enemy because I found out the butter she likes, in fact, was margarine, and when pointed at the silly mistake she made, she went around the virtual world accusing me being cocky and pretentious.
Imagine if we start criticise our country leaders, or government? No wonder they call you many things.
Suggestion? Keep doing what you do. It might take tens of years but our country needs people like you to diminish the hypocrite, short-tempered, egotistical mentality Indonesia has. One day, we can be a nation which is brave enough, big enough, to laugh on the most bitter joke about our country. Remember, America was established in 1776, and Indonesia is only over 60 years a go. We have a long way to go 🙂
well spoken, anita. i just don’t understand why they got so defensive when being criticized. it’s for their own good. plus, we criticize because we care. but like you said, it’s a culture thing. it’s hard to erase something that you’re used to, you’re brought up with, for years. but wouldn’t you be willing to open your mind a bit for your country’s sake to be better?
Being able to stand criticism is a skill one has to develop. I too, had to get used to Dutch direct way of pouring the input (as we call it here) and how I have learned it, the hard way.
Examples you share above are typical for our fellow country men. It seems like The Country can do no wrong, which is of course unthinkable and not to mention impossible. And don’t you get hurt Din, when you are honest with your opinion and dare to share it in turn, you got his accusation such as I quote you ‘the bitch who forgot about her home country’. It is their lack of ability to be able to see the beloved country as it is.
I’m afraid, regardless the on line technology world wide, as long as the coverages about The Country still in the privileged of The Country itself, people will stay biased on this matter.
Take care and Merdeka!
Unfortunately, our fellow Indonesians back home think that when we -Indonesians who live abroad- bring up a fact that is (unfortunately) gloomy, we’re being labelled as too Westernized. Like my brother said above: Indonesia IS a terrorist country, first and foremost because many terrorist in fact live here and bred by its culture. It’s an ugly fact that many have difficulties to accept.
criticism is acceptable if it’s constructive. if it’s not, what the hell lah
salam kenal yah!
tul banget. lam kenal balik, mas seniman 🙂
First of all, great topic Din,
I have to agree with that ‘saving one’s face’ value in Asian culture. In China it is worst, for example, someone hit me hard with their shopping cart and not one apology fly out of this lady’s mouth. I was furious, why I wonder. Simple…because she’s too embarrassed to admit her mistake.
Accepting criticism gracefully is an acquired skill indeed and I think that is a part of growing up that a lot of us Indonesians still have to master. What I don’t get is how some people here will carry out their criticism and ended up with violent destructive actions such as burning, rioting, etc, etc. That shows the world right there that Indonesian as a country still have a lot of growing up to do.
I have been admiring this Muslim lady name Irshad Manji (check out her blog if you haven’t heard of her but I’m sure you have at some point:http://www.irshadmanji.com) since I saw her on Glenn Beck show as what she says is so true, Islam needs to be reformed and how she encourage independent thinking.
I salute you for being critical about some issues most Indonesians still turn a blind eye on or pretend that it didn’t matter. You go girl, don’t let these negative labels stops you down.
lol @ the shopping cart incident. what the hell?
thank you for your recommendation on irshad manji. she reminded me of ayaan hirsi ali.