She feels guilty for not always feeling ‘close’ to her mother. Even when the two were still living close by. She’s working and living in the city, and her mother just live out of the city limit. She came home occasionally, during weekends, after her mother texted her, “Will you please come home this weekend? Been awhile and we miss you.”

The past behind the two was long and would not make a good children’s book. Even though she’s not holding her mother against it, she had become used for not having her around. She wanted to think of it mainly because her mother was a single parent and working hard for her kids. She wanted to forgive her mother for the lies, the broken promises, and the insecure feelings it had given her when her mother was out and about.

Now that she’s living so far away, half across the globe, she had thought this will make her missing her mother more. She’s not. It was almost eight weeks since the two talk on the phone. She emails her sister more than she does her mother. Being the number two child -while the oldest son was not always around- she and her [5 years younger] sister going through the sadness together. Some scars just won’t heal.

Yet, she’s her mother. For better and worse, this is a woman who gave birth to her. Putting up with her crap when she’s little. Sending her off to school and gave her the best she could give. She’s not perfect, but then who is?

December 22: HAPPY BELATED [INDONESIAN] MOTHER’S DAY for everybody back home…

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