Failed. Again.

Stupid fights.
Stupid PMS.
Stupid hotheadedness of mine.
Stupid traffic jam.
Stupid rude, impatient people.

I gave in. After trying to ‘deal with it’ for a week, I broke down. Went to get my fix. Smoking again. Argh!

Wish there’s a Nicotine Anonymous or something like that. The Quitline thing isn’t really working for me. I prefer to talk to somebody in person instead of calling a 1-800 number. You know, get a ‘nicotine buddy’ or a ’smoking counselor’ whom I’d be able to call when I’m in a pickle and need somebody to talk me out of buying a cig. This sucks…

Addicted to It

Today is the 40th day of my smoking cessation. Can’t really say it was tough, although it wasn’t a walk in the park either. For the last 7 or 8 years, smoking was not a ‘craving’ thing for me anymore. Meaning that I don’t have to have a cigarette right after I woke up in the morning, right before breakfast. Sure, I was like that in my younger single year, back home. But since I moved here, with the kids and everything, smoking was an on/off habit to me. Definitely off during both pregnancies and when the kids were smaller. Then on again afterwards.

I started smoking when I worked as a journalist, back in 1996. I was twenty three, although the very first time I tasted cigarette was in high school. Working as a journalist with 90% male coworkers who most of them were (and still are) smokers, I became one too. Especially because back then, there was no such thing as ’non smoking work place’. Everybody knows that Indonesia’s like the smoker’s heaven, one could smoke almost wherever and whenever. Even in an air-con room. Watching my seniors typing up an article, kretek on their mouth, and a mug of hot black coffee nearby; I thought that was the coolest thing ever. One said, “It helps my writings.” I thought he was bull shitting me. But after a while, I experienced it myself. It did help me focus, especially when deadline’s approaching.

Since I mostly hung out with them outside work, plus my best friend was also a smoker, that nasty habit had gotten into me even deeper. In a club, in a car, after a meal, while waiting, on the phone, when I talk, almost all the time. First thing I look for after I got up in the morning would be my Marlboro Menthol (or Sampoerna Menthol -clove cigarette with menthol, imagine that- when I broke). Before bed, right before I brush my teeth, was the ritual of smoking; just to complete the day, I suppose.

But here, after the morning sickness, breastfeeding and all (plus the limitation of places to smoke), that habit has been deteriorating. It’s now more like a habit, something I’d automaticcally do after a meal or when I drive. It had found a different ‘purpose’. I found it relieving to smoke when I got stressed out. I told my super nice doctor, that when I got frustrated or depressed, smoking really helped calming myself down. I felt that as I exhaled, my trouble would blown away with the smoke. “Yeah, very poetic. However, lame excuse,” he said. Ouch!

I have not had a cigarette since August 1. At that time, we took a fishing trip up north to help us through it. We thought, it’d be easier to be away and actually doing some activities, instead of trying to quit and stayed at home doing nothing. We went to Ashby, MN for the fishing part and to Minneapolis, MN for the ‘city’ part. I got a chance to have a lunch with an Indonesian friend and her hubby. The trip went quite OK. Not perfect, but OK. I also had a ‘breakdown’ about five days ago, due to a PMS-related reason, and I did two puffs. That’s it. I threw it away immediately because it tasted horrible.

Whoever say that quitting smoking is easy, must not been a heavy smoker. Nicotine addiction is so evil. I know this from a personal experience. The withdrawal is so painful for the person who’s quitting, and being near that person isn’t so fun either. But unlike alcohol addiction which could harm other people beside the user, no police officer would stop your vehicle in the middle of the night and as, “Sir, have you been smoking cigarette a lot tonight?” No judge would order you to go to a jail then rehab for smoking 2 packs of Marlboro a day. There’s no ‘punishment’ nor authority pressure to have someone successfully quitting smoking. A smoker is on him/herself to try to quit. A help from family/friend and probably smoking aids (patches, gums, medicine, etc) would help. But most of all, you’re on your own. When a cigarette maker blatantly lied that ‘it is not addicting’, I was so mad because it is too!

So You Think You Can [Do Indonesian] Dance?

One of my guilty pleasure TV show is So You Think You Can Dance (SYTYCD). This summer was its fourth year, and I’ve been following it religiously from the get go. What I admire the most from this year’s season was its diversity. They added Bollywood, Argentine Tango, Pas de deux, Country two-step, and Russian Trepak into the routines. It’s a nice break to watch something else other than ballroom’s salsa, quickstep and jive.

The show this year was pack full of respective choreographers. The usual ones (not less important) like Mia Michaels, Jean Marc Genereaux, Tyce Diorio, and Mandy Moore were mixed with new ones like husband and wife Tabitha and Napoleon D’Umo (hip hop), Nakul Dev Mahajan(Bollywood), Sonya Tayeh (jazz), Desmond Richardson and Dwight Rhoden (ballet). The result was a collection of outstanding and diverse dance choreographies; danced gracefully by the Season 4 dancers.

Closer to the finale, the routines were getting ‘crazy’. New dance styles were introduced, for instance: Bollywood, Country Two-Step, Pas De Deux, and Trepak. The dancers were at first struggling with these new stuff; because you can’t just dance something that belongs to other culture, you have to ‘get it right’. The dancers tried not to get a ‘Look at those Americans trying to dance our dance’ from a native Indian or Russian. They have to do the kick right, or the ‘Indian eye glance’ correctly. The dancers did not disappoint at all. At least not me.

On the last night of the show, where they announced the winner, all judges got a chance to pick their favorite dance number and watch it again. Among the others, Bollywood was chosen by Nigel Lythgoe (judge and producer). I was pleased to hear this, regardless if this is a ’scheme’ or not.

Then I pondered, if Bollywood could get exposed, why not [one of] Indonesian dances? Question is, how familiar is the audience and TV viewers with Indonesian dance? More specifically, which Indonesian dances is well exposed to the world? Balinese, Sumatran, or Javanese dance? I’d say the first one, probably Janger (performed sitting down, with highly coordinated hand, shoulder, and eye movements) or Kebyar (fans on one hand, they move dramatically while feet are strongly grounded, and hands and feet move abruptly).

I know for sure, that Indonesian dance is not that foreign here in the US, or even in Indonesia. When I was still back home, I heard a lot of foreigners were learning Indonesian dances at various institutions primarily in Bali and Java. While here in the US, a lot of our Indonesian student organizations (Permias) were able to host ‘Indonesian nights’ or some other form of Indonesian cultural events. Plus, our Indonesian embassies are also good in doing their job promoting our culture, dance is one of them. Indonesian dance and music could also be found through the education world, such as University of Wisconsin in Madison, the Center for World Music in Berkeley, Calif., and at the University of Hawaii. Other than the ‘formal’ institution, there are also dance centers such as this place.

So why is Indonesian dance not well known? How can we help Indonesian dance be more recognized?

Zombies are Cool

What is up with Britain and their fondness of zombies? I don’t usually like movies about zombies. I love scarry movies, but zombie-related is not very high on my list of likings. I prefer mystery horror like The Ring, The Others, The Exorcism of Emily Rose and the like. Until I watched Shaun of the Dead couple of weeks ago. Scary stuff with some funny heavily British-accented dialogues. I got hooked. Then last night, I watched  28 Weeks Later, a British post-apocalyptic science fiction horror movie. Both movies are about the undead. Live corpses. Zombies. The flesh-eater. Filled with exploding body, decapitation, blood vomiting, infection; everything a gore movie is all about. Hey… it’s not bad. Zombies could make a cool horror movie.

While Shaun of the Dead is a combo of horror and comedy, 28 Weeks Later is purely a horror movie with no touch of comedy at all. You are guarranteed to SOL (scream out loud) and jump in your seat every now and then. This is the sequel of 28 Days Later that was made in 2002, adopted from a graphic novel entitled 28 Days Later: The Aftermath written by Steve Niles.

I am actually surprised to see how good 28 Weeks Later is. I’ve never seen the first one before (28 Days Later), but having no problem at all understanding this sequel. What makes me ponder is: how did the filmmakers get the footage of empty London’s street? No cars or pedestrian in sight, how smart. It could be computer effects, but I remember reading somewhere in the Net that they were shooting for the scene where Tammy and Andy were wandering around empty street of the fictional District 1 area on a very early morning.

My favorite quote from this movie:

Scarlet: “It all makes sense. They are executing code red. Step 1: kill the infected. Step 2: containment. If containment cannot be done, then Step 3: extermination.” 

[New] Paper Sniffer

They call me the [New] Paper Sniffer; due to the fact that I just love the smell of new books or new stationery papers.  Don’t be alarmed if you’d see me in a book store with my face in a book. Eyes closed, smile on my face, sniffing the smell of knowledge.

At work, my coworkers told me that I always sniff the unsullied, crisp, brand-spankin’-new stationery papers before I restock them (forms, etc). Omagawd… I didn’t know that I was under surveillance. I mean, I do like the smell, I sniff them from time to time, but not always. I think.

I wish there is a ‘New Paper Scent Spray’ on sale somewhere…

311 is the Color of Your Energy

Haven’t heard of this band before. Not until I watched Blake Lewis’ performance on American Idol this year’s season. He sang ‘All Mixed Up’ by 311 and I thought it was cool. Not so great but very entertaining because of two reasons: (1) Hip hop reggae; what more could you ask? (2) Blake’s beat box add the coolness point to the song. When Blake’s done, two of the judges (Paula and Randy) told him that they’ve never heard of this song before but they liked it. But then after all the judges were done with their judgement, Ryan Seacrest announced that the song was from the 311 band, which is happen to be Blake’s favorite band. And that’s when I first like them too.

What’s cooler is the fact that 311 originates from Midwest; Omaha, NE, to be exact. These guys play hip hop, punk rock, ska, reggae, and funk musical style. When they remake The Cure’s ‘Love Song’, I didn’t really like it at first. I thought, “Who dares screw The Cure’s song up?” But after awhile, 311’s version of this song had grown on me. Awesome video clip too!

Then comes along ‘Amber’. A love song brilliantly written by 311 about a beautiful energy of presence about a girl. Awwww… what a load of crap. Anyway, I personally think this song is a great song for cruisin’.

“Whoa,  amber is the color of your energy” doo be doo be dum…

Injustice for All – SYTYCD Wk 3

What a weird week for SYTYCD. First of all, I think my new favorite pair, Sara and Chuy, did awesome. Danced to “It’s Okay (One Blood)” by The Game feat. Junior Reid, I thought they did great on the Krumping routine. Sara was in her comfort zone (she’s a B-girl -breakdancer- after all) and nailed the routine coreographed by Lil’ C like a gangsta. Chuy, who’s not as gangsta as Sara, performed tough too. Honestly, one wouldn’t be able to tell that Chuy’s background dancing is actually Contemporary. Watching him as a Krumper, hard to believe that he could beautifully do the twirls as well.

Wouldn’t you know, Sara and Chuy were on the bottom three this week. Sara did her solo, and so did Chuy. While Sara was safe, Chuy had to leave. It made me so mad, because he’s way better than Cedric who’s been struggling from the first week.

Injustice numero dos: Miss Jessie. Sweet, fun, and hip Jessie. Poor Jessie, she was sent home with no explanation from the jury. Based on her interview here, it was probably because of the liability due to her incident before her performance. She was so dehydrated during practice, they had to call paramedics for her. She failed to dance with her partner, Pasha, on the big night. Pasha had to dance with the coreographer’s assistant and they were awesome. Should’ve been, because they’re like the ‘master’ of the routine picked: Cha Cha. Jessie came back the next night, redid the dance with Pasha and they were smokin’ with “Let’s Get Loud” by J-Lo. Jessie got the penalty of being an addition to the bottom three, did her solo like the other three girls, and got sent home. Personally, among the four, Jessie did better than Anya. Yet, Jessie got sent home. Bummer.

Paso Doble a la Queen – SYTYCD WK 2

I’m not very impressed with this week’s episode, other than Sara and Chuy’s unorthodox paso doble. It’s a very risky part from the coreographer, Jean-Marc Genereux, to use Queen’s song of ‘We Will Rock You’ remix. Even though it is rather awkward to watch a paso doble routine with a rock ‘n’ roll song, both dancers did the routine superbly. But then again, it doesn’t hurt to try something new, right? Keep an open mind, that’s been my philosophy.

I’ve grown to like this couple better than my original favorites: Lauren and Hok. Both Sara and Chuy are very likable and humble. Lauren’s not doing as great as I’d hope, maybe it’s the coreography, maybe it’s the partnering, I’m not sure. Still liking Hok, he’s a great dancer with good personality too. 

The Hotness of Lacey, Kameron, Sara and Chuy – SYTYCD WK 1

Pick a beautiful song, like ‘Dancing’ by Elisa. Give it to a star coreographer, like Mia Michaels. She’d then create a powerful Contemporary dance using talented dancers, like Lacey Schwimmer and Kameron Bink. The result is an emotional yet powerful dance. I felt like crying while the routine was performed last night on So You Think You Can Dance (SYTYCD). It was so captivating, I choked when it’s ended. It’s like, ”No, no, don’t end… I want to see more!”

I didn’t expect such a strong performance like that from these two dancers. Like I mentioned in my previous posting, Lacey has a strong background in Swing and was having a hard time accepting different Contemporary techniques. Kameron (20) is a Contemporary/Hip-Hop dancer who was kind of unnoticed; until last night. He was good. Both dancers gave a solid performance, very in tune with the actual lyrics of the song which is all about lovers, frustation, and separation. Thumbs ub for Lacey and Kameron.

Watch the video here.

The other pair of dancers who did great last night was Sara Von Gillern and Jesus Solorio (Chuy). They did a Pop Jazz routine which was brilliantly coreographed by Wade Robson. Sara and Jesus danced to a song called Cabaret Hoover, which is the soundtrack of The Triplets of Belleville (an animated French film). Sara is a B-girl dancer (breakdancer), and Chuy has a Contemporary background (he got lucky!). Both of them were really into their character as vagabonds. It was a twisted yet spectacular performance.

Watch it here.

 

The other 8 pairs weren’t exactly bad. They did OK. Just didn’t really ’shine’ like these four; maybe because of the coreography or the missed chemistry between partners. But hey… it’s their first week, first time working with partners, give them a break.

**Update: Ricky Palomino and Ashlee Langas were sent home this week. 

So You Think You Can Dance 3

My guilty pleasure show So You Think You Can Dance (SYTYCD) 3 had started a couple of weeks ago. But tonight is the night where the 20 contestants are going to perform with a specific coreography created for them. Last year’s coreography was ranging from Hip Hop, Lyrical, Jazz, and even the macho Passo Doble! I’m excited to find out about this year’s. Hm, any chance of Balinese dance coreography being introduced?

Out of the 20, three contestants are related to last year’s contestants. Lacey Schwimmer (18) is a Swing and International Latin and is the sister fo Benji, last year’s winner. Lacey has killer moves when it comes to West Coast Swing, Cha Cha, Samba, and Cabaret. But could she handle Mia Michaels‘ complicated yet beautiful lyrical coreography?

Faina Savich (21) is a Latin Ballroom dancer whose brother Stanislav also competed last year. Then the third one is Danny Tidwell (23), the half brother of Travis Wall who was the runner up from last year. Danny has an intensive training in Contemporary/Jazz dance and his portfolio here looks very promising. Is that why he’s so cocky? Both judges Shane Sparks and Mia Michaels do not think that Danny has a good personality and that it’d be hard to win viewer’s vote over.

I personally like Lauren Gottlieb. She’s 18 and has a Contemporary/Jazz background. Last season, she was the coreographer assistant and had worked. Lauren appears to be such a sweet girl with good dance ethic. Hok Konishi (22), the breakdancer. He tried SYTYCD for three seasons and he finally got in to the Top 20. Very humble person with an amazing (if not crazy) moves. I don’t think he could win this, but sure hope he’d go far in this competition.

Got the spoiler from this site about the pairings for the night and also the style of dance they’ll be performing:

1. Anya & Danny — Jive
2. Pasha & Jessi — Smooth Waltz
3. Neil & Lauren — Club Salsa (*)
4. Chuy & Sara — Pop Jazz
5. Cedric & Faina — Hip Hop
6. Jaimie & Hok — Hip Hop (*)
7. Sabra & D-trix — Disco
8. Shauna & Jimmy — Broadway
9. Lacey & Kameron — Contemporary
10. Ashlee & Ricky — Argentine Tango (*)

I think the (*) will be hot!