Are Asians The Only Rude People?
March 20, 2008 by dinysays
How hard is it to teach politeness? Better yet, is it possible to train someone to be polite? The first question was intended to children as the subject. Should it mainly be the parents’ responsibility or could we rely on teachers to inject some politeness booster to the young ones? The second question was more aimed to adults. Is it doable to have an impolite person live with a polite family for a number of years, hoping for this person to change for the good?
I also understand that politeness and the opposite -rudeness- belong to all skin color. Everytime I hear somebody said, “Asians are rude!”, my nose would fringed. Stereotyping a certain race really shows your narrowmindedness. Yes, my fellow Indonesians back home tend to unable to grasp the concept of ‘waiting in line’ or holding the door for elderly or women. While you’re waiting patiently in line for the cashier in a very nice department store, instead of waiting behind you, a lady ignorantly cut the line and stand in front of you. That is rude. But what about Americans who switched lane without signaling and got really close in front of your car? You slammed the brake and honked, then you got a middle finger flipped at you. That is rude, too. And what about the French who let their poodles poop all over the street? Oui oui… that iz rude!
Just recently, an unpleasant encounter at work was like a slap in the face. There were a 17-year-old Chinese boy and his father who caused a scene in the clinic’s waiting room. Long story short, the hot argument involved miscommunication between the father and us about the checking-in policy; added by a disrespectful attitude from the US-born teenager.
Boy: “So how long should I wait, again?”
Beth (52 y.o. receptionist): “As soon as one exam room is open, a nurse will take you back.”
Boy: “Well duh…” *smirked, turned his back and walked away* “I know that.”
Me (already boiling from previous argument): “Whoa… wow! Excuse me?”
… and the rest was even uglier. I was really surprised to see the teenager was disrespectful to someone who’s older. His intimidating body language and smart ass remarks were really uncalled for. And the sad thing was, his father let him get away with it. Supportive, even. I guess no parents like to hear [from a stranger] that their kid has an attitude, or a brat, even if it really is a fact. I had to call my department manager out to settle things down. But they were beyond consoling. A nurse finally took the teenager to see the doctor. Fifteen minutes later, they both walked out without saying anything.
Another patient (a ‘regular’) came up to us and said, “Wow! I feel so sorry for you guys. I thought Orientals are nice and pleasant. They were rude.”
That comment hit me. I remeber a while ago, a 22 year old coworker said that Asian drivers are rude. Yeah… unfortunately we all hear about the stereotype ‘bad Asian women driver’. Other coworker told a story about her Asian apartment neighbor who would cook something ’smelly’ and shared the unpleasant aroma (to the Americans) around. “That’s very rude.”
Are Asians really rude? Is it possible because Asians lack the social skill expected in this country? My other thought was, probably because Asians are not used to it. Try to live in a city with 11 million population for a while; and hopefully you’d understand why we tend to hurry and forgetting our manners to hold the door for you, or formally say “Good morning. How are you? Same here. May I have the tall latte, please?” when ordering Starbucks along with the other twelve people behind me.
I’ve only been here for 8 years, yet my expectation has now been switched to the ‘American way’. Sometimes I hated it, because I got so frustrated easily when I go back home to Jakarta and unconciously expect everybody to be ‘polite’. But having stayed in the US -even if you’re just here studying- doesn’t always guarrantee you’ll be a polite person. I happen to know the owner of the Indonesian restaurant here in Ames. They’ve been here for about 20 years, yet they are borderline in politeness. They can be really rude by asking how much money we make in a year, or asking us to be a business partner and to inject some cash.
Cultural differences, social status, and language barrier are probably the main reasons of why people were called rude or impolite. Also to keep in mind, one’s expectation of politeness is different to the other. While I think it’s a 50:50 chance to ‘train’ somebody to be polite, it’ll be easier to teach politeness from the very young age. Parents, teachers, or daycare providers, are all responsible.
Oh I had an experience that made me boiling too. When we were at thet office to apply my SSN back in December. I sat next to an old lady who was nice and though she didn’t know me and Dan, she still wanted to have a chat with us. And then, an asian lady came with her leather jacket and a designer bag acted like a rich lady walking in to the waiting room, I didn’t really know she was chinese or vietnames or whatever and then she took a sit in front of us. She was taking off her leather gloves whenever the nice old lady asked her in a nice way plus a smile, ” where did you get your gloves? they are nice!”. That Asian lady replied with an unfriendly face and a snobby shrug like no respect at all. Really I swear, Din, I just wanted to kick her effin ugly snobby asian face that time.. Felt like yelling at her, ” come on outside and fight!”.
Some people just don’t have enough empathy for others!
Can’t say about other Asians but Indonesians are rude.
@vita: i like to observe the waiting room where there are a mix of race. americans (at least here in the midwest) like to make a small talk, while others (like asians and hispanics) tend to keep stuff to themselves. but that doesn’t mean you have to be rude like that vip lady of yours… ;p
@anita: read your posting about rude indonesians. i feel your frustration. even before i moved to the u.s., when i was still thinking 100% like indonesians, it was annoying already.
“asking how much money we make in a year, or asking us to be a business partner and to inject some cash”
duh, bener banget. setiap kali aku datang ke acara2 indonesia, ada aja cewe2 (ibu2) yang nanya (becanda sih, tapi…
“wah, profesor pasti banyak duit ya… berapa sih gajinya kalau boleh tahu… boleh minjam ngga nih…”
pertama2 kujawab dengan senyum. lama2 aku bilang aja,”Ngga tuh. ngga boleh tahu dan aku ngga suka minjamin duit.”
rude, rude indonesians!
I try for not making stereotype, hard, but have to give the best try. It takes the ability to accept differences and adapt. some will say that attitude as “rude” but some will argue it’s a common thing and normal.
so: “Stereotyping a certain race really shows your narrowmindedness”
bener banget.
@mlim: udah ngalamin itu juga. gw gak tau kalo mereka becanda apa serius. kalo emang becanda, nyelekit juga euy. btw, ibu prof, gw interested untuk pinjaman berkala dong. hiahaiahiah
@melly: now it’s my turn to say ‘bener banget’ at you. that ‘ability’ is really tried with my fellow indonesians, mostly. sometimes my patience is so low, abd by ‘patience’ i mean either cigarettes or prozac :p
I’m sorry to say, but only Asians seem to stare at people. I mean REALLY staring, like the once-over, up and down then up again kind of look, even though the person they’re staring are AWARE that they are being stared at, they still stare as if it’s perfectly acceptable!!
I don’t know why but this happens to me A LOT I often checked my clothes and whether or not my fly is unzipped!
Why do they do that?? Why?? And it’s even more odd that I seem to get it more from girls than guys!
Maybe there are a lot of Indonesian lesbians that we are not aware of? Cuz you know … maybe I’m like, really really hot for their standards or something muekekeke ….
I’m sorry to say, but only Asians seem to stare at people. I mean REALLY staring, like the once-over, up and down then up again kind of look, even though the person they’re staring are AWARE that they are being stared at, they still stare as if it’s perfectly acceptable!!
I don’t know why but this happens to me A LOT I often checked my clothes and whether or not my fly is unzipped!
Why do they do that?? Why?? And it’s even more odd that I seem to get it more from girls than guys!
Maybe there are a lot of Indonesian lesbians that we are not aware of? Cuz you know … maybe I’m like, really really hot for their standards or something muekekeke ….
@therry: omg, how could i forget that? the starring… yeap… hello? like, i know you’re starring at me… you want a piece of this? *touch hip with one finger* hot!! pssss!!
LOL
Yea man. Like, “I’d tear your ass up, beyatch!”
omg I just realised I’d posted the first comment twice!
sorry, my bad..
Here, the locals are the rude ones when you compare it to the Asians who also live here.
Like what you wrote in your post, it’s their kids who yell at their parents and could get away with it, meanwhile the Asian kids (usually) still know how to keep their voice down even though they are arguing with their parents.
But maybe you meant different things such as rules and regulations that the Indonesians (in particular) are not used to, such as waiting in line and stuff (here, everybody, Asians or not, apparently grasp the idea to do so, even though they came from China, a land where waiting in line is considered a waste of time
And yes, Indonesians are rude when it comes to asking questions to somebody they don’t know (that well). Like “ooh you’re gaining weight now!” or “When are you getting married?” and giving that “look” while asking so.
But I seriously think that the Indonesians way of raising kid/upbringing (in old fashioned way) is the best. That’s just my opinion though, because we were taught to respect our parents and so on, although we might learn how to control our mouth and learn how to step aside when the elevator door opens (for example)…..but then again, it is just probably my parents who rocks in their way of raising kids….hehehe….just kidding
@the writer: I do think it’s the cultural differences, more likely the expectation of one’s politeness. Like my family (ahem!), your family did awesomely raising the kids to be polite, especially to elderly. But I guess, raising your kids to be polite is not for every body?
Btw, very well though opinion and thanks for your time writing it
I am a Chinese living i Hong kong. I agree with you that Asian people are rude when compare to westerners( such as British , canadian , american). Japanese people are the most polite people when compare to other asians such as chinese and Korean. It is because western countries and Japan are rich countries so people in there can be well - educated. Also, the social welfare in Japan and western countries are good. Other Asian countries do not have good welfare becasue the countries are poor. So the people do not receive well educated. And they have to survive by working. If they( Asian ) quit the job, they would not have income or salary that support their live. Asian not only rude to foreigners , they also rude to their own people.
In conclusion, westerners and Japanese people are just like gentleman.
Asian people are just like beast.