Not Speaking English? That’s Rude!

Few days ago, as I was reading the local newspaper; fed up with news about war, crimes, natural disaster, and a sick old Austrian bastard and his little secret family, I read the ‘Dear Abby’ column for a change. There was a letter from a lady who appear to have a daughter in law mentioned as Carmella. This lady complained that Carmella and her family always talk in their native language in front of the lady and her American family. She thought this is rude and asked for some suggestions. 

Before we judge this lady as a snob ignorant bitch, let’s pause for a while. Imagine you’re visiting a country you’ve never been to nor speak their language. Wouldn’t you speak in your native language with your family or friends who come along with you? Did it ever occur to you that the local people might think you are being rude by not talking in their language?

Different example. A paranoid coworker of mine said the main reason she’s hesitant to go to a nail care center runs by Vietnamese (or other Asian ethnicity; but mostly Vietnam) was because, “Well, they talk in their native language to each other while they’re doing my nails. I think they’re talking about me.” I usually give her a big ‘Geez!’ whenever she complains but I think if I were her, I’d feel the same way too. 

When my mother and brother were here visiting from Indonesia, I tried my best to be a translator for the big family conversation. My parents-in-law were present too, and it’s kind of hard to try to translate everything my Indonesian family said into English, cause sometimes it’s just not that important to translate. Like for instance, my mom was commenting on how cute the dessert cake was to me. And my in-laws were like, “What’s that??” Then again my mom made a comment about a painting hanging on the wall, and again my in-laws jumped right in and said, “Hmmm??? What’s that?”  

So yeah, I did speak in Bahasa with my mom here and there when it’s just a casual talk.  I thought it’s more convinient since she doesn’t speak English fluently. I tried to be extra careful when somebody else’s around (not necessarily strangers), I’d translate too. I did not get any remarks on being rude at that point, but would they say it to me anyway? Or would they write to ‘Dear Abby’ instead like Carmella’s mother-in-law? Is it fair to expect people to speak the national language of the country they’re in at that moment? Then by golly, the French is not so snobbish after all!

Why Shouldn’t Women Raise the Toilet Seat Up When Done?

The sign says:

“AS A COURTESY TO OTHER GUESTS OF THIS BATHROOM, PLEASE MAKE SURE YOU PUT THE TOILET SEAT DOWN WHEN YOU ARE DONE.”

Obviously, this sign is adressed to the male guests. Apparently, there’s a female worker (I’m pretty sure it’s a she) in our building who is bothered by the lack of ‘tolerance’ showed by those testosterone guests. When she couldn’t tolerate it anymore, she took it out with a help of her trusted Microsoft Office Word. She created some signages and walked around the building, armed with double-sided tape, posting the signs in the staff’s bathrooms.

“That just makes me NOT want to do it ever,” scoffed a male coworker.

I know I’d be like, “Oh man!” if I walk into a bathroom and found the toilet seat is up.  Escpecially if the previous male user of the bathroom missed his aim and it’s all over the toilet rim. But that’s about it. I’d lower it down and continue to finish my business. I don’t go about and make protest signs. This happens in my house too from time to time, as dad and son are competing on who’d do that often.

Is it a dogma for men to lower the toilet seat down automatically when they’re done? When was this established, actually? Who declared it? Why not the other way around? Is it because the society is female-dominated? Or is it because of men are taught to always put ladies first? Have you heard of guys expect women to raise the toilet seat up when done?

I’m just curious… 

Free Drug Samples, Anybody?

To the best of my knowledge, drug samples are meant to be given to patients for trials. To see which medication works best for you. Samples were given regardless if you’re insured or uninsured, rich or poor. Let’s say I’m coming in for allergy. Instead of prescribing something right away -for example Allegra- which may not work, given samples -let’s say Zyrtec- to try is really helpful.     

But some people like to take advantage of free samples. Patients and also sadly, clinic’s employee, love to ask for samples even though they’re not being seen by a physician. When I first started working here, I voiced my concern about this, and the reply from a co-worker was, “Don’t worry about it. Everybody’s doing it.” I don’t mean to be all hollier than thou but it really bugs me. I understand medicines are costly, that’s why we have medical/health insurance, but taking drug samples on monthly basis? C’mon…

I noticed there are three different types of drug sample requestors. The first one is what I call ‘In Betweens’. Patients who are out of meds refills but couldn’t get in to see physicians soon enough. They’ll be out of meds until appointment date, but don’t want to pay for short-period refills. Typically, they’d call and say, “I couldn’t get in to see Dr. X until 3 weeks from yesterday but I’m going to be out of meds. Do you guys have any samples to get me through my appointment date?”

The second type is the ‘Flip Floppers’. Those who think a medicine should be able to cure the sickness in 24 hour. ”The sample given yesterday by Dr. A isn’t working; I still feel bad. Can I get a different sample?” Or patients who don’t like the way some medicines ‘work’. “The sample given by Dr. B a week ago is working for my depression, but it’s making me gained a few pounds. Could I get a different sample?” For one, medicines do need some time to ‘kick in’, even antibiotics. A lot of things need to be considered when you’re trying on samples; like if you’re diabetic or have blood pressure problems. And especially if you’re on so many different meds. There’s no such thing as ‘the magic pill’.

The worst one is the ‘Freeloaders’. I understand why the uninsured ones are doing this, but the ones with insurance? Unbelievable. Some scenarios:  

• “Hey, can I speak to Jane (Dr. X’s nurse)? This is John. I need my monthly samples for Lipitor 20 mg. I’ll swing by tomorrow around noon to pick it up.”
• “Hello, this is Mrs. so and so. Mary (Dr. Y’s nurse) told me that anytime I need more Nexium, I could call you guys and she’ll give me a bag of it.”
• “Is Dr Z’s nurse available? I need my monthly samples.”

And a hundred more different ways of them requesting free samples. The very frustrating part is, some of them have insurances. And how do I know this? It’s there in the patient’s database. So when I couldn’t resist the frustration, I just asked, “Oh? You need samples again? Do you not have health insurance? What’s that? Oh, you do. Any problem with the insurance or something?”

Sad thing is, our clinic’s employee are doing it too; for themselves and/or family members. Almost everybody. They are as bad as those naughty patients. 

When I had my pap smear appointment, I was offered by the midwife to take home some samples of birth control pills. I was ‘in between’. I told her I feel bad taking free samples from people who need it more than me. She said it’s OK and that I as an employee have ‘the right’. Still doesn’t feel right; so I said ‘no’. I don’t feel it’s right for me that just because I work for the clinic, I’m entitled to gorged myself with samples. I do take Advil or Tylenol samples from time to time when I have a tension headache at work from time to time. But not on a regular basis and for more ’serious’ medicine. 

This source shows that patients with the highest incomes were the most likely to get free samples, according to a survey of nearly 33,000 Americans in the February issue of the American Journal of Public Health. Only 28% of those who got samples were poor, whether insured or not, with incomes less than twice the federal poverty level — $18,400 for a family of four in 2003, when the survey was taken. The study doesn’t suggest doctors deliberately discriminate against the poor. Study author Sarah Cutrona, a hospital doctor with Cambridge Health Alliance in the Boston area and an instructor at Harvard Medical School Cutrona says many poor and uninsured people never get to see a doctor and more often visit public health clinics or emergency rooms, where samples may not be available, or go without care.

And here I am, just got done talking to a patient who requested her monthly free samples of Cymbalta. Tsk… tsk…

If Two-Faces Baby Were Your Child

Why do parents put their kids on braces? Why do they want to spend a lot of money and time to make sure their kids’ smiles are perfect? When their teenagers are starting to have acnes, why don’t parents mind spending cash on dermatology products and consultation? Why are parents okaying their youngsters’ wish to switch the glasses to contact lenses? Giving the health-related answers would be very common, but let’s be frank: it’s to make them look good.

I’ll be honest. I had my mole on my face removed 7 years ago because not only it was noticeable, but it started to itch and growing in size. Again, health reason and look-awareness. Why did I agree to suffer multiple tooth extraction and braces tightening for 28 for months? Sure my dentist was concerned about my mouth being over crowded (I used to have 32!) and it was hard to keep them clean and decay-free. He also mentioned something about crossbite. But to be honest, I hated my crooked teeth. I tried to switch from eyeglasses to contact lenses, especially to go out socializing, but I hate poking my cornea. So then, back to eyeglasses to complete my dorky look.

When my 5 year old son was diagnosed with chronic hyperopia or farsightedness (difficulty seeing up close), I felt so bad. My boy has to wear glasses in such a young age?  I groaned. What if his friends make fun of him? I worried. Spending extra on ’hip’ glasses was our choice. Yes, I still want him to look good besides to able to see.

We all very cautious about how we look. Consciously or not. To ourselves, to our children, to people we care about. Sometimes we care about it too much, we judge people by it. When the Indian baby girl was born with two faces in mid March (read here), I deeply symphatized with the parents. Like the rest of the world, my first reaction was ‘Omg!’. Then as I followed the news, I learned that the father of Lali -the baby’s name, meaning ‘red’ because of her cheeks- had refused the doctors suggestion to have a CT scan to determine whether her internal organs were normal. He felt that his daughter is acting normally, therefor no need for the test.

Lali has an extremely rare condition known as craniofacial duplication, where a single head has two faces. Except for her ears, all of Lali’s facial features are duplicated -two noses, two pairs of lips, and two pairs of eyes. Regardless, her parents who are poor farm workers, think she is fine just like any other child. Even though Lali’s rare condition often linked to serious health complications, the doctors of Saifi Hospital in New Delhi saw no need for surgery. Reason being, she has no breathing difficulties. ‘Nuf said.

As I did more online research on Lali, I found out that some people’s reaction toward the treatment refusal is somewhat concerning. “Why would you as a parent do that [refusing]?!” a coworker exclaimed.

Others worried about the child’s psychological development when she’s growing up. If peers should giving her a hard time. If she’d be making fun of. But since they live on a rural India which is very superstitious and the fact that Lali is already hailed as a return of the Hindu goddess, maybe she’ll be okay. Some says she’s the reincarnation of Durga or Shakti. Living among people who think you have a god-like status is not so bad after all. The village chief wanting to built a temple on your behalf. Hundreds of people want to see you, touch your feet out of respect, and even offer money to receive blessings. Not a bad life, huh?  

I don’t know what would happen should this take place in United States, to an American. Would the parents undergo a surgery to ‘fix’ the baby? Look at Abigail and Brittany Hensel. Born 18 years ago, the conjoined twins are still inseparable and live happily with their mom who is a registered nurse and a carpenter/landscaper dad. The twins have made many media appearances and have a younger brother and sister. I think they have an amazing parents who don’t judge a book by its cover and love them unconditionally.

First Time In History, Catholic Is Not At The Top; Muslim Is

As I was reading the newspaper during my lunch break few days ago, the World News section mentioned: World has greater number of Muslims than Catholics: ”For the first time in history, we’re no longer at the top. The Muslims have surpassed us,” said Msgr. Formenti.

“Hm.” I thought.

And that’s it, no more no less. Although I was born and raised as a Moslem, I didn’t go ‘hooray’ after reading that news. Actually I thought, “Yeah, so what?”

Couple of days later, my iGoogle showed a news feed about the same subject. It was from Catholic.org and it appeared that Msgr. Vittorio Formenti, who heads the Vatican’s statistics office, thinks that the shift was because Muslims’ family have more children and are outpacing the average growth rate. He heh. I can’t help but sensing a little sarcasm there.

I personally do not have any vendetta on Catholic versus Muslim thing. My concern is, does the world know anything about Muslims? U.S. News & World Report March 24-31, 2008 edition has an article about ‘Inside the Minds of Muslims’. Dalia Mogahed, the executive director of the Gallup Center for Muslim Studies, did a survey and wrote a book, Who Speaks for Islam? What a Billion Muslims Really Think along with Georgetown University Prof. John Esposito. The book is based on a Gallup Poll, the largest of its kind, which surveyed some 50,000 Muslims in more than 35 countries.

Based on the interview, it seems that we [Americans] are no closer to understanding Muslims. Because Gallup did a survey in 2002, asking what Americans knew about the beliefs and opinions of Muslims around the world. Fifty-four percent said they knew nothing or not much. Same questions were asked in 2007, after two wars and more media coverage on Muslims, and this time 57 percent said they knew nothing or not much. When asked what they admired about the Muslim world, the most frequent response was “nothing”.

I’m curious about what do they think about us [Americans]. Mogahed answered that Muslims admire the West’s technology the most, followed by freedom of speech, the rule of law, and the transparency of government. They resented our democracy, perceived moral laxity and libertinism. Only a very small percentage of people in places like Iran and Saudi Arabia, said they admired nothing about the West.

The way I look at it, while answering ‘we admire nothing about the Muslim world’ is one’s choice and right, it does show ignorance. Do we not like it because: a) we know something but against it, or b) we don’t know shit anything at all…

No S-Word, Please!

Today is April 1. Also known as April Fool’s Day. When I woke up this morning around 6:15 am, I saw snow on the ground. Argh! Is this a joke? Ha ha, very funny… *dry laugh*

As I was driving to drop my son off to daycare then to work, I heard the radio announced some more snow showers for the rest of the day. No! Don’t they know they can’t mention the S-word anymore? By that, I mean ’snow’. Everybody here had grown weary of this prolonging snow. By this time last year, I’ve seen flowers blooming… tree leaves changing colors… so gorgeous. This time? Grass is still brown, trees are still ‘bald’, no colorful flowers in sight.

*Sigh*

Vegetarian vs Yogurt

As I was eating my key lime pie-flavored Yoplait yogurt,  for some weird reason my eyes were fixed on ’live and active cultures’ on the container. In other words, living organisms.  Meaning the Lactobacillus bulgaricus and Streptococcus thermaopilus, which convert pasteurized milk to yogurt during fermentation.

Would a vegetarian eat yogurt, then? I pondered. It has a living ‘thing’ in it.

Vegetarianism is, cheating from Wikipedia, the practice of a diet that excludes all animal flesh, including poultry, game, fish, shellfish or crustacea, and the slaughter-by products. Since I skipped a lot of my Microbiology classes back in high school *ahem* especially the microorganism subject, I don’t quite remember the detail about bacterias. Would a few micrometres in length (in the shape of spheres, rods, or spirals) be considered ‘fleshy’ for Lactobacillus or its cousin, Streptococcus?  Does eating something alive or fleshy even though it’s a tiny thing, bother a vegetarian?

Something to keep in mind though, unlike cells of animals, bacteria cells do not contain a nucleus and rarely harbour membrane-bound organelles. In plain English, bacteria does not have chromosomes thus we won’t know if it’s a girl bacteria or a boy bacteria. Not only bacteria lacks of gender identity, it also lacks of proteins and lipids.

So what? We don’t need to call it Miss Lactobacillus or Mr. Streptococcus anyway. I pondered again. No protein or lipids? Even better for the vegetarians. I began to feel confident.

If a tiny living thing doesn’t bother a vegetarian, would the fact that Yoplait contains gelatin -which is made from boiled pig skin, animal bones and hooves- bothered them?

Update on Fly Safe(r) with Indonesian Airlines: Adam Air’s Done?

I had a funny feeling that this is going to happen when I wrote this posting. Didn’t expect it’s going to be this fast. But it is confirmed now, since Tuesday this week, Adam Air is grounded. Literally. Full story is here.

Sure hope this news will bring a relieve for the family of Adam Air’s 102 victims (New Year 2007 incident). It may not bring them back to live, but it’ll prevent this unreliable airlines from taking more lives.

Are Asians The Only Rude People?

How hard is it to teach politeness? Better yet, is it possible to train someone to be polite? The first question was intended to children as the subject. Should it mainly be the parents’ responsibility or could we rely on teachers to inject some politeness booster to the young ones? The second question was more aimed to adults. Is it doable to have an impolite person live with a polite family for a number of years, hoping for this person to change for the good? 

I also understand that politeness and the opposite -rudeness- belong to all skin color. Everytime I hear somebody said, “Asians are rude!”, my nose would fringed. Stereotyping a certain race really shows your narrowmindedness. Yes, my fellow Indonesians back home tend to unable to grasp the concept of ‘waiting in line’ or holding the door for elderly or women. While you’re waiting patiently in line for the cashier in a very nice department store, instead of waiting behind you, a lady ignorantly cut the line and stand in front of you. That is rude. But what about Americans who switched lane without signaling and got really close in front of your car? You slammed the brake and honked, then you got a middle finger flipped at you. That is rude, too. And what about the French who let their poodles poop all over the street? Oui oui… that iz rude!

Just recently, an unpleasant encounter at work was like a slap in the face. There were a 17-year-old Chinese boy and his father who caused a scene in the clinic’s waiting room. Long story short, the hot argument involved miscommunication between the father and us about the checking-in policy; added by a disrespectful attitude from the US-born teenager.

Boy: “So how long should I wait, again?”
Beth (52 y.o. receptionist): “As soon as one exam room is open, a nurse will take you back.”
Boy: “Well duh…” *smirked, turned his back and walked away* “I know that.”
Me (already boiling from previous argument): “Whoa… wow! Excuse me?”

… and the rest was even uglier. I was really surprised to see the teenager was disrespectful to someone who’s older. His intimidating body language and smart ass remarks were really uncalled for. And the sad thing was, his father let him get away with it. Supportive, even. I guess no parents like to hear [from a stranger] that their kid has an attitude, or a brat, even if it really is a fact. I had to call my department manager out to settle things down. But they were beyond consoling. A nurse finally took the teenager to see the doctor. Fifteen minutes later, they both walked out without saying anything.

Another patient (a ‘regular’) came up to us and said, “Wow! I feel so sorry for you guys. I thought Orientals are nice and pleasant. They were  rude.”

That comment hit me. I remeber a while ago, a 22 year old coworker said that Asian drivers are rude. Yeah… unfortunately we all hear about the stereotype ‘bad Asian women driver’. Other coworker told a story about her Asian apartment neighbor who would cook something ’smelly’ and shared the unpleasant aroma (to the Americans) around. “That’s very rude.”

Are Asians really rude? Is it possible because Asians lack the social skill expected in this country? My other thought was, probably because Asians are not used to it. Try to live in a city with 11 million population for a while; and hopefully you’d understand why we tend to hurry and forgetting our manners to hold the door for you, or formally say “Good morning. How are you? Same here. May I have the tall latte, please?” when ordering Starbucks along with the other twelve people behind me.

I’ve only been here for 8 years, yet my expectation has now been switched to the ‘American way’. Sometimes I hated it, because I got so frustrated easily when I go back home to Jakarta and unconciously expect everybody to be ‘polite’. But having stayed in the US -even if you’re just here studying- doesn’t always guarrantee you’ll be a polite person. I happen to know the owner of the Indonesian restaurant here in Ames. They’ve been here for about 20 years, yet they are borderline in politeness. They can be really rude by asking how much money we make in a year, or asking us to be a business partner and to inject some cash.

Cultural differences, social status, and language barrier are probably the main reasons of why people were called rude or impolite. Also to keep in mind, one’s expectation of politeness is different to the other. While I think it’s a 50:50 chance to ‘train’ somebody to be polite, it’ll be easier to teach politeness from the very young age. Parents, teachers, or daycare providers, are all responsible.

And the Winner is…

Not the executive in a Volvo who’s talking on his cell phone.
Not the college guy in a beat up Honda who’s eating his Big Mac.
Not the soccer mom in a minivan who’s busy scribbling something on her notepad.
Not the tough guy in a humongous GMC Yukon who’s smoking and drinking from his coffee travel mug.
Not the blondie in a cute VW New Beetle who’s frantically shuffling CDs trying to find Rihanna’s.
Not the dude in a pick up truck who’s texting his girlfriend (or boyfriend).
Nor the lady in a nice Toyota sedan who’s reaching into the back of the car, trying to reach her son’s toy that he dropped.

The winner for the most talented driver is… the chick in her Audi who’s doing her eye make up while the car is moving! “Look mom… no hands!”

Hey, I had done some of those things (talking on the cell, smoking and sipping coffee, and also shuffling CDs) and by no means I’m trying to preach. But in all seriousness, I’m amazed on the talent and skill of women who could do their make up (especially the eyeliner) while driving.